The wheel of time rolled on so fast. Manasa was at her parents’ home at Bengaluru. It is customary in India that the final few months before delivery should be spent by an anticipating mother at her parents’ home. It is not that the husband or his home cannot take care of her or not that her parents can take better care but it is more customary. The choice now a day’s more over depends on where the woman feels more comfortable to deliver her baby. Most of the Indian would-be-mother’s would prefer to be at their parents home rather than at husbands home because the customs and traditions have been inherited along with evolution. In one way it is also correct. There is no replacement for a father and mother and her home is a comfort zone where she feels more protected, more cared. She gets another chance to spend quality time with her parents and can get more rest, physically, mentally and all ways. At husbands place she is duty bound and she is driven by her internal forces to be mechanical, though nobody insists her to do so. The parents of the bride too gets to garnish and fertilize their old memories. Moreover the parents of the bride would consider it a honour to take their daughter home and send her back with the 3rd generation.
Though the parents-in-law would have sincerely put their heels over head to be parently to their daughter-in-law and would have taken more care and would have provided better conditions than parents, when it comes to choices the women would still prefer her parents because the roots are connected to that part of relation. The toughest part even today (in modern India also) is for the Husband or Parents in law of the bride to convince her and her parents that they are no aliens. It is one of the life time projects of an Indian husband which will never be accomplished. He is busy in giving acid tests every now and then amidst all the circus of life.
As per Indian customs (may be everywhere in the world) the bride goes to the husbands home and makes it a home of hers. But India has changed a lot with evolution. Now too it is the same but the condition is that the home should be devoid of parents-in-law (law not applicable for the bride and her parents). The parents of the groom are now a day’s called “the forgotten and ignored tribe”. In India it was always that a girl child was not needed or aborted until laws intervened. The birth of a girl child was considered a curse. Parents would pray that their child should not be born female. But now things have changed. Now a day’s parents pray that they should not have a male child because they can visualise the 2nd innings of their life in dire-straits.
Who tells India has not evolved?
No complaints from my side…as I did not do it anytime. I have always given total independence to my wife to do whatever she likes. I have never trespassed into her independent space…may be from choosing me as her husband or naming the child (I gave her and her parents total independence of naming the child without my interference, wherein in India it is customary for the father to chose a name for the child!!!)….Are you thinking how good I am??…may be or may not be (for some who have never understood me) but I was not to prove a point but it is always the typical me. People have seen me changing and have named me bad and weird at times….I have never got into the good books of a few….can’t convince everyone in the life….but they would just be jealous of my goodness or do not have the heart to accept it. I have never seen anyone bad…though they would have hurt me to the worst…I have always seen them as different. In that case I consider myself more matured and those people blessed to have me in their life.
I have always tried to be genuine to any relation…parents, brother, in-laws, relatives of either side, wife, Son, students, friends…understanding everyone and their individual spaces…never tried to dominate over others territories nor have implemented my authority over anyone. I don’t claim I am a saint…but by heart…it comes naturally to me. It is good to admit our bad qualities…and I think it is not wrong to be proud of our good qualities…in this way we love ourselves and try to be human rather than being human being. I feel I am blessed to have understood the thin and thick differences between being human and human being…very earlier in my life. Thanks to the basics given by my parents…and thanks to myself for working better and better over myself keeping in race with time, age and maturity. As a human I have different emotions and I never expected anyone to follow them but I have always wanted people around me to understand me and my emotions as I am and accept me as such as I have doing with others.
I have always treated my wife as a friend…the best one with time…I have always shared the silliest of my emotions, views and thoughts more than with my parents…and have always felt good doing it. I never asked her if she is interested to hear what I have to say. It is not taking someone for granted…but from my vision it may be giving extraordinary importance to the most important person in your life. I always feel if you are a husband, you have a right and authority over your wife…just that…and more expectations. If the husband is also a friend…there will be authority with love, care…and more giving than expecting. I tried the 2nd option as I always loved to be and I am successful on personal fronts. There are people who said I am not a better husband as I do not command and demand things…I just do not care…they have just been husbands in their life and really do not know what it means to be a friend to a wife and understand her every aspect. I also request all the wives who have husbands like me who are friendly to accept that you are blessed and try to value their nature. There may be people who misguide you but you do have your individual personality to know what’s good and bad…and also who’s good and bad. I have seen many cases and heard of even more many wherein a modern wife just remains a daughter for ever while the husbands are becoming better sons (only for in-laws). It is not wrong in any case…as everyone are independent to do what they feel but for this you do not need something called a Marriage…??? I may be wrong in exclusive cases but I am speaking about majority……
I am blessed to have a wife in whom I have seen and felt every relation that I have wanted to see…not being too selfish. I am also happy that I have given her even more than she would have expected of me…more happy moments…really happy ones…some odd ones (all couples have…no relation is perfect)…more over for not being a typical “Only Husband”
Now that she was off to her parents home and was anticipating a new life to add to our happiness…I too was doing the same staying away. While I was waiting for that new member of our family and life with the countdown timer on…I was missing her…really missing her during that period….
It was nothing less than “Waiting for one life” and “Missing one life” for me…both were important and the moments were filled with anxiety. She was far away on one side and my parents were far away on other side..though I was busy in teaching and clinics…I really felt that I was far away from everyone…really far…sometimes felt alone and let off…but I knew it was a short period of separation…only on the backdrop of a happy phase…a different chapter which was about to commence…..
I knew..”Addictions are dangerous…but not all…some give pleasure…like waiting for someone you love……..!!!”
The time rolled on….and on….and on……………………
September 2002, 9.00pm, after my dinner…I was restless and was tired due to a hectic day of work…desperately wanted a rest…I switched on the television and tuned to some music….
Just then there was a phone ring……
Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrinnnn……Trrrrrrrrinnnnnnnnn………..!!!
HAPPY and I...Tales of Abhi 